Published By:


Life At The Top Can Be Lonely
It's not all about beautiful people hanging around the pool

BY: MICHAEL STERN May 17, 2004

Is it really lonely at the top? Television suggests successful chief executives such as Donald Trump are surrounded by trusted advisors, well-dressed cronies and all manner of beautiful people hanging around the pool.

In real life, the chief executives I know are more likely helping their children with homework or cleaning out the family cottage than jetting around the country or golfing at Pebble Beach.

Either way, however, the top is likely to be a lonely place. Whether they're jet-setters or stay-at-homes, decision-makers must grow accustomed to "alone-ness.” The person who knows you best (usually your spouse) probably doesn't know enough about your business to help you with tough problems. And you're never sure if your top advisors are telling you what you need to know, or what they want you to hear.

When chief executives get together, they talk openly about the strains of the position: the demand to execute operationally even though you're four levels removed from the front lines; the need to lead change while reassuring everyone that, personally, they're doing fine. It's no wonder that the tenure of the average chief executive has been shrinking for years. One company president complained to me: "It's really stressful looking like you always have it together."

I'm not saying there's anything wrong with our current corporate leaders; they are probably the best-educated, most-aware chief executives Canada has ever known – and probably the most attuned to public opinion. The world they confront, however, is much more complex than the one their predecessors faced.

Just think of the To-Do list of the 1950s chief executive: Set prices in the morning, browbeat the directors over roast beef at the club, approve a new factory in the afternoon. Yes, that's a simplification, but today's executives have to contend with much more complex issues of global competition and workforces, environmental liabilities, zoning restrictions and governance – not to mention growing challenges in technology, travel and splintering markets.

And as CEO, it all ends up on your desk.

How do top executives deal with the stress? Simply delegating it isn't enough. Even the legendary Samuel Bronfman and movie producer Harry Cohn (both of whom famously said, "I don't get ulcers; I give them") would be feeling the heat if they were running companies today. "Before I became CEO," says one acquaintance of mine, "I never realized how constrained my control would be. You have the formal power, but you have to use it judiciously. No one takes orders from anyone anymore."

Here's how some chief executives head off the ulcers.

FIND PEERS TO TALK TO If you're young enough, monthly peer forums at the Young President's Organization help members let off steam in a supportive, confidential setting. Only other CEOs understand the-buck-stops-here pressures you face. They often have relevant experience to share, and they'll usually tell you what you need to hear – like it or not.

If you're not under 40, your local industry association may be able to point you to confidential, non-competitive executive forums. Other groups offering similar programs include Presidents of Entrepreneurial Organizations (PEO), The Executive Committee (TEC), the Canadian Association of Family Enterprise (CAFE) and, in Ontario, Innovators' Alliance.

GET SOME EXERCISE Everyone knows the stress-busting impact of squash before breakfast, running at lunch time, or tennis after work. Even a round of golf with a friendly colleague or client can clear your head wonderfully. The key to overcoming "aloneness" is to build a support network that takes you out of the grind and restores perspective. And the fitness benefits will speak for themselves.

DUMP THE DRUGS One chief executive recently told me that things really came together for him once he started taking Prozac. I suspect antidepressants are more common in the executive suite than most people know, but they're not the answer. Your best medicines are better time-management skills – so you have more time to focus on your own issues, and not just those that others bring you – and a stronger social support network.

(In the last episode of Star Trek, The Next Generation, Captain Picard finally joined his bridge officers' weekly poker game, saying, "I should have done this a long time ago.” Don't you wait till the last moment.)

IF NECESSARY, SEEK PROFESSIONAL HELP Even Tony Soprano has his therapist.

TAKE MORE TIME OFF Lots of executives don't realize how stressed they are until they actually take some time away. Don't wait for an opportunity to present itself. Build more family time and downtime into your schedule, to get more in touch with yourself.

JOIN A BOARD It's amazing how many senior executives say that participating on another company's board of directors gives them a chance to work out their own issues. It's cheaper than therapy, and may come with stock options.

RECOGNIZE THAT ISOLATION COMES WITH THE TERRITORY Few people, when they attain chief executive status, are ready for the alone-ness they encounter. Being more aware of the changes that happen when you reach the top may help you forge a stronger support group before you get there.